The next exciting moment in our life is when you leave. I have such a bitter taste in my mouth when two couples sit down in my booth. When two couples sit down they think they own the night. Maybe they do, for all I know the had a horrible day and found some fourteen year old girl to watch they five kids for twenty dollars. Might have had the worst week on the job and just need to let a little steam off. At this point I really don't care.
Double Daters + Four Waters = Exercise
I find when the whole table orders water, you are in big trouble. BIG TROUBLE. Its almost as if they decided to wait all day to have a sip of anything. Then once that water hits the table it is fair game. Really you needed me to fill you water up 10 times in an hour period! Man I hope you wet the bed! Your game to see if I will get to your table on time to fill your glass up is a little pathetic. That couple looks happy but you know she probably needed a bunch of refills in her glass. I find it funny when they ask for a bunch of lemons on the side. If I watch you squeeze them all in and go for a packet of sugar I am charging you for a lemonade. What the heck do you think you are doing. Honestly making your own lemonade. Are you five. Set up a stand outside your house and make lemonade. Don't come to my job and make a mess all over my table. Someone had to cut all those lemons so you can make your own drink. Okay, so I won't charge you. They won't let me, but I promise I will fill your cup up every chance I get to ruin your dream drink. I will call it your dream drink since it was FREE. Moo Haaa haaa I am mean oh well I make $2 an hour.
Today this lady asked me for a glass of iced tea. Sweet I work in Utah right now and to find anyone who enjoys a nice glass of iced tea could be a friend of mine. ;) A few minutes later I went to "retrieve" the order. She had to complain about or freshly brewed tea. "This taste Watery". Not sure that is even a word. I told her, "I am so sorry, It might taste that way because it is freshly brewed and the tea is supper hot and I had to add a lot of ice. Ice melts and they could be your problem. Is there anything else you would like that would taste better to you, and not so watery." Then with a bit of an attitude she pushed the iced tea and said YES a water. Now I was trying not to laugh but I did spit out, " Water is a bit Watery is that okay". The whole table had quite a laugh. Honestly I will be the nicest person to you just treat me like I am human. All I ask. Oh and a great tip :).
Friday night I got this one group of double daters/Water drinkers and one of them had to be difficult. My girlfriend would love some cucumber in her water. I looked at him with a little strange look. I am not ragging on the taste of cucumber in water. If you go to any spa I would be surprised not to see it. A chain restaurant is another story. Sir we just have diced cucumber is that okay. "I guess that will have to do". Sorry dude. Lemons, limes, oranges, cherries, and now cucumbers. When I brought the three waters with lemons and the one with cucumber I got another weird glance. The girlfriend said, "What is this floating in my water"? She was in the bathroom for the whole drink order. I told her," Its your cucumber water". She laughed and switched glasses with her boyfriend. Dude, if you wanted the fruity water just ask for it. You just looked stupid!
Double Daters give 10 - 15% When I give 100%
It is crazy but, I still strive for good tips. Here are a few helpful hints. Ladies, I hope you see that ring on my finger. I am taken and promise your man is your man. Try to look the women in the eyes first. That makes them feel in control. If you master that you may have a chance. Always assume they are separate checks even if its family. They will never tell you it is separate until you bring the the one check. When taking the order ask if they would like ranch of anything extra so you can prepare. Nothing sucks more when it is one trip after another for mustard then napkins then another soda. They love to watch you run. Never forget.
Why is it that couples seem to forget how to tip there server. I bagged your food! I refilled you ten drinks! I laughed at your stupid jokes! Why is it okay to leave me a two dollar tip on twenty-five. WHY!
When a table is ready to cash out I grab there checks and tell them I will be right back, even if I hear them say "keep the change". So if there bill is $23.79 and they hand me $25 I make sure to write in felt pin $1.21. I want the other couple to feel awkward to see how bad of a tip you left me. I want your wife to be embarrassed she married you. She should be! It is a rare occasion you get a 20% on the entire bill. Is it really that hard to figure out. Most cell phones have a tip calculator.
Just remember running me around and around is temporary. You still have to go back to your crummy life. All the servers will get a heads up on how bad you are treating us. I will remember your face to welcome you back the next time you dine and if you really make me angry I will come home from a long day and blog about you. Karma! Learn and love it. Everything gets passed around.
Tip Twenty next time you go out! Have a wonderful Night
- Your Server
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