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Thursday, January 14, 2010


When people go out to eat they go out for a couple of different reasons. One is to obviously eat food. Second is they want to watch you run. I come to the realization that people get off on the control. They control how many times I run and they control how much I make.

When I take an order I watch for the signs of potential running. When they order Chicken Strips I ask what sauce they would like to dip them in. Therefore I can bring them two sauces the first time instead of running back in forth. If they order ribs make sure you bring fifty-three napkins. Trust me on that one. If they order anything with wing sauce on it make sure to double up on ranch or blue cheese. This is just helping yourself and saving a trip.
Now there are the camel drinkers. You understand what I mean when, you give them your drinks and a minute to decide what they want to eat. When you return they have sucked there drink till there is an air noise. Now they could have just been thirsty or they want to make the most of the two dollars they spent on it. I return with two the next round and tell them I don't want to take my chances on the dying with thirst. Hopefully at that point that they realize they just guzzled down 12ounces in less the 12 seconds.

You know last Saturday night I served two couples. They fun double daters. Blah ha ha, not so much. I believe double daters love to make you run. Makes them feel superior to me. Okay whatever guys, make me run all night long and pay with that almost maxed out credit card. Your real cool. So back to the couple I served. One of the guys order chips and salsa. So i think to myself four people and one bowl of salsa. Ya I will go above and beyond and bring the two bowls of salsa and a tower of chips. I drop off the appetizer and they guy looks at me and says, "I love candy". Honestly do I look like I care if you love candy. Then he continues, " I don't want to share my candy with anybody else". I give him my confused look and, the whole table starts laughing at me. " I would like my own candy and then points to the salsa". Told ya they like to make me run. I grab two more salsa's and run them back to the table. Now everyone has there own salsa aka candy. I tell them, " Now that you all have you own candy I don't want to see any fighting". Okay so I kind of treated them like kids.Who describes salsa as candy. That is so freaking stupid. Say it with me S-T-U-P-I-D. Lets say they are the perfect example of a horrible double date. They love to have separate checks that they don't mind to mention till the end of the date. There checks range anywhere from twenty five to forty. Always seem to tip you three dollars. What What Six dollars and an hour later I can not wait for them to leave. ;)

Little children also like to watch you run. They throw there crayons on the ground. To bad little kid pick it up yourself. When they guzzle down there little kid drinks and demand for more. I love to address there parents at this point. "Your child has finished there drink and it does come with a free refill. Would you like me to bring it now or when there meal arrives". Ha little kid I won. Pretty bad of me huh. Saves you a bunch of trips. Would not be surprised if a parent do not buy chocolate milk for at home. I could hook a kid up on a chocolate milk drip and they would still not get there fix. Crazy I know. Then parents are confused why there little ones did not even touch there dinner. Duh take there drink away from them.

They other day I got these two teenagers. I honestly want to cry when they land in my section. They order there own appetizers. They are the perfect definition of a Mod@fucker. They change everything so they time your done taking there order they made there own things up. We are not Burger King. You can not have things your way. Funny thing about me serving. I write down there order and repeat it back. Now every time I serve this terrible two they order there entrees. When I deliver them one of them always tells me that is not what I ordered. BS dude it is. Look at my script. They look at me with there dumb faces. I have to refire there new dinner which "they really did order" :) Yeah right but, at this point I don't care. When they go to pay with there split checks one leaves the table. I grabbed both checks. One of the guys bills is twenty-two dollars and he leaves me 7 two dollar bills. Not sure if this kid could do math but here owed me more of it. They second kid gives me forty on twenty something. I walk back out and asked if they were paying together because, his friend who just left shorted me money. He told me no and to give him a minute he be right back with more. When he returned with some more two dollar bills I chuckled inside. I brought him out his change as for his friend who shorted me I kept the dollar something. That guy told me how wonderful I was then left me thirty two cents. Piss off. I will refuse to serve them next time. Waste of my night.

When someone makes you run for your money just picture how horrible there life is. That always helps. I just think of them as a job they will never go forward with and a relationship that will not pan out. Makes my day easier.
Your server

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dine and Dash

We have all thought about dinning and dashing but who really has the balls to actually do it. I have it happen to me twice. I would love to hear another servers story on the subject if it has happened to them also. I hate feeling like I am the failure if this happens. I should not feel that way. Chances are when they walk in they already have it in there head to commit the crime. That is actually what it is by the way. A CRIME. YOU ARE STEALING!!!

Story one-
Two young girls come into my lunch shift and sit at a four table booth. They are about 17. One girl is big boned and wearing a shirt tight so you focus on her chest area and for that we will call her Brenda. The second girl is lanky and wearing really cool red eyeglass wear and her new name is Lisa. So Brenda and Lisa order two sodas from me and ask for a few minutes to look at the menu. Cool cool I grab there sodas and give them a few. When I return Brenda orders Chicken Tenders and, Lisa orders Chicken Alfredo. Waiting for the food to come out I refill there beverages a couple of times. They made the comment how focused I was to not let them go dry. I thought it was a bit strange but, took the compliment any ways. There food comes out they take a couple of bites. I see they need another refill and I told them I would be right back. I turned the corner when my server friend Samantha ask me if my table has paid. I looked at her funny and she said they left in a hurry.

Now wait you think the story is over. No I do something I should never do. I broke the server cardinal rule. DO NOT CHASE AFTER ANYONE. So I ran out the door furious. I caught one of the girls backing her car up while the other one is about to hop in. I asked Brenda "Hey was your food okay?" Okay weird question I know but it got the point across. Brenda followed up as, "Oh wonderful we were just moving the car and grabbing some cash. Good I replied because, I know you two are not about to leave this wonderful meal and service. Brenda followed me back into the resturant. She sat at her table with a wad of cash by her. She asked for boxes. I responded and said I will be right back. I told Samantha she was right on the money and to watch her. I grabbed two boxes and she know needed the bill meanwhile, Lisa is parked right out front. When I went to print off the check Samantha told me Brenda ran out with her boxed food. By this point my manager ripped the check out of my hand a ran out to the car to give the girls there bill. Can you freaking believe they had it in them to leave twice. They girls handed my manager $30 and asked for change. DO WE LOOK LIKE A DRIVE THOUGH. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME. YOU TRY TO RUN OUT ON YOUR BILL TWICE AND WANT CHANGE. GET OUT OF TOWN. NO CHANGE FOR YOU TWO. So they dinned and dashed and we still made them pay. Ha ha jokes on you.

Story two-
This older man about 65years old well call him Mark. When Mark sat down by himself he had two extra menus. He told me his wife and daughter were joining him shortly after. He ordered his diet beverage with no lime and started watching the basketball game on the television. After about twenty minutes he asked if I minded him ordering before they arrive. Do I mind serving you food. Please it is only my job DUH. So I put his avocado burger add mushroom no bun in and went on serving all my other tables. He polishes off his burger in fries like he has not eaten all week. Should have known this is probably the case now :). I take away his plate and bring him a refill. He watches the rest of the game and I chat with him in intervals when I am not needed running food and payments. He is a nice old man. Then his phone rings while I am there and he raises his finger to motion me over to him. He tells me they are around the corner and if I could bring them a water and diet over now. I am overjoyed. This guy has been camping forever and I would love to make some more money. I snag the drinks and run back to the table. HE IS GONE. HE MADE ME GET DRINKS FOR NO ONE. HE WATCHED A GAME AND ATE FOR FREE. Man I thought he would come back like he forgot or that he was in the bathroom. I even told the busser to leave his table alone. It sat vacant for a half hour. DANG. I was so enraged. I was fooled by an old man. I will remember this guy if he ever decides to sit in my section again. My words will come out like this. Hey I remember you, you ate that
avocado burger add mushroom no bun and waited for your family and watched that basketball game. YOU OWE ME $9.29 thanks.

_I just can't get over what goes through there heads right before the get up and run out. It really upsets me. Like I said before I feel like I failed. Can't believe that old man ran out on me. That flight or fight mode would give me a heart attack. Just saying. So does anyone have a dine and dash story?

-Ur Server

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Etiquette of Men Dinning at Lunch

I find it hilarious to watch men dine together. Why do they make it so hard on themselves. Maybe with this post I could receive feedback on the truths. Maybe I am just seeing this in a different light.

I serve a lot of lunch shifts during the week. This usually brings in three crowds. One being older couples, then you have the girlfriends catching up and, third you have business meetings. I am not trying to categorize business meetings as just men eating out. If there is a business meeting and a women attends all these rules and behaviors roll out the window. When women eat out different rules apply and we can address those issues another day.

The Manly Code to Eating Out
1. First rule is to never talk about the rules
2. Never order a girly drink. If you do change the name of it so it does not sound girly. example- Today I had two guys ask me for grenadine and diet. So you want a cherry diet coke? They just smiled and said grenadine and diet. Sounds Manley.
3. Have your cell phone and pen on the table at all times. Makes you look important.
4. Never share anything. It looks horrible to share a dessert. Could you even imagine two guys 1 brownie and two spoons. This is not a date. Order 2 brownies and waste half of them.
5. Never show up or leave at the same time. Stand up by your table shake hands. Then one of you go to the bathroom while the other one leaves. Gives you a little space between exiting.

Even if its not a business meeting and guys are just eating out, they have a lot of weird corks. They require a lot of space between each other. I just wish guys understood that is seems funny to split things on different plates so they don't have to share. It is not a big deal. I will not question your sexuality by the way you eat.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Perfect Change

The only thing in life that does not change is Change itself ;)

-I love when people have a bill that is $7.45 and they hand me a $20 and ask for change. I know I am an amazing server and deserve a good tip but, you think I would not bring your $12.55 back to you.

-I love when you have a large table and they are all separate checks and all hand you $20 and ask for change. That would be okay until they tell you that they are in a hurry to get back to work. You really think I am a bank. If you are in a hurry hand me your debit card.

-Rule of thumb. If you hand a server a hundred dollar bill do understand we have to break it. That means asking five other people if they can help break your bill. Then realizing they also did not bring a bank and, now that leaves us to find the manager and having them open the safe. Sorry peeps but it will take at least 3 minutes if your lucky.

- I had these two ladies the other night. They were a hoot for being a little older. They two older ladies had separate checks. Completely fine. I am bored and they are sweet. One of the ladies ask me to bring her ones back when I break her check. I told her I would try my hardest. Once I got to a computer I realized her change back she need was $4.25. So honestly I am laughing a little. What did she expect me to bring back to her 17 quarters? I asked her that. I know I am mean but, I was not serious so we all laughed. Just little funny.

- Hey will you break this twenty for me please. ;) Right on it


I would love for this blog to bring you a great laugh! For heaven sakes its my job to serve and make people happy. If the customer is happy and decides to read again, then I have done my job. I want to say I have been serving for four years and a year of hosting. Everyday when I get home my fiance ask me how my work was and immediately I tell him a story about some random table. Most of the time I get a good laugh and then sometime I swear he is fuming fire from his ears. He gets so mad when he hears how people treat us. I just think people should now how we feel. I figured I have at least one story a day along with my view on restaurant stuff. I know you all care (hope there is at least one person caring ;)).
-Your server