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Thursday, January 14, 2010


When people go out to eat they go out for a couple of different reasons. One is to obviously eat food. Second is they want to watch you run. I come to the realization that people get off on the control. They control how many times I run and they control how much I make.

When I take an order I watch for the signs of potential running. When they order Chicken Strips I ask what sauce they would like to dip them in. Therefore I can bring them two sauces the first time instead of running back in forth. If they order ribs make sure you bring fifty-three napkins. Trust me on that one. If they order anything with wing sauce on it make sure to double up on ranch or blue cheese. This is just helping yourself and saving a trip.
Now there are the camel drinkers. You understand what I mean when, you give them your drinks and a minute to decide what they want to eat. When you return they have sucked there drink till there is an air noise. Now they could have just been thirsty or they want to make the most of the two dollars they spent on it. I return with two the next round and tell them I don't want to take my chances on the dying with thirst. Hopefully at that point that they realize they just guzzled down 12ounces in less the 12 seconds.

You know last Saturday night I served two couples. They fun double daters. Blah ha ha, not so much. I believe double daters love to make you run. Makes them feel superior to me. Okay whatever guys, make me run all night long and pay with that almost maxed out credit card. Your real cool. So back to the couple I served. One of the guys order chips and salsa. So i think to myself four people and one bowl of salsa. Ya I will go above and beyond and bring the two bowls of salsa and a tower of chips. I drop off the appetizer and they guy looks at me and says, "I love candy". Honestly do I look like I care if you love candy. Then he continues, " I don't want to share my candy with anybody else". I give him my confused look and, the whole table starts laughing at me. " I would like my own candy and then points to the salsa". Told ya they like to make me run. I grab two more salsa's and run them back to the table. Now everyone has there own salsa aka candy. I tell them, " Now that you all have you own candy I don't want to see any fighting". Okay so I kind of treated them like kids.Who describes salsa as candy. That is so freaking stupid. Say it with me S-T-U-P-I-D. Lets say they are the perfect example of a horrible double date. They love to have separate checks that they don't mind to mention till the end of the date. There checks range anywhere from twenty five to forty. Always seem to tip you three dollars. What What Six dollars and an hour later I can not wait for them to leave. ;)

Little children also like to watch you run. They throw there crayons on the ground. To bad little kid pick it up yourself. When they guzzle down there little kid drinks and demand for more. I love to address there parents at this point. "Your child has finished there drink and it does come with a free refill. Would you like me to bring it now or when there meal arrives". Ha little kid I won. Pretty bad of me huh. Saves you a bunch of trips. Would not be surprised if a parent do not buy chocolate milk for at home. I could hook a kid up on a chocolate milk drip and they would still not get there fix. Crazy I know. Then parents are confused why there little ones did not even touch there dinner. Duh take there drink away from them.

They other day I got these two teenagers. I honestly want to cry when they land in my section. They order there own appetizers. They are the perfect definition of a Mod@fucker. They change everything so they time your done taking there order they made there own things up. We are not Burger King. You can not have things your way. Funny thing about me serving. I write down there order and repeat it back. Now every time I serve this terrible two they order there entrees. When I deliver them one of them always tells me that is not what I ordered. BS dude it is. Look at my script. They look at me with there dumb faces. I have to refire there new dinner which "they really did order" :) Yeah right but, at this point I don't care. When they go to pay with there split checks one leaves the table. I grabbed both checks. One of the guys bills is twenty-two dollars and he leaves me 7 two dollar bills. Not sure if this kid could do math but here owed me more of it. They second kid gives me forty on twenty something. I walk back out and asked if they were paying together because, his friend who just left shorted me money. He told me no and to give him a minute he be right back with more. When he returned with some more two dollar bills I chuckled inside. I brought him out his change as for his friend who shorted me I kept the dollar something. That guy told me how wonderful I was then left me thirty two cents. Piss off. I will refuse to serve them next time. Waste of my night.

When someone makes you run for your money just picture how horrible there life is. That always helps. I just think of them as a job they will never go forward with and a relationship that will not pan out. Makes my day easier.
Your server

1 comment:

  1. I am an admitted camel because I am literally dying of thirst due to a child sucking the life out of me, but even before then. However, I always apologize and acknowledge the fact that I am a camel, but I also also tip very well. Plus, I always ask for extra honey mustard when ordering my food to avoid said running. Oh and Kaleb never gets a refill and always finishes his mac and cheese which he demolishes. And now I am craving Chili's.