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Thursday, December 30, 2010

OMG! There is Hope!

  You have to worry when teenagers are your customers. You wonder if the have a job or just an allowance. I give teenagers the benefit of the doubt and give them great service. Just cross my fingers it does not bit me in the butt.
   So yesterday I got a table with three young teenagers. One had to be at least sixteen to drive them. They girls were real nice. Order three drinks and split two meals. When I brought them there bill it was $30.26. When I collected the bill from the ladies there was a $25 gift card and $5.30. Great there change back is $0.04. Awesome. I brought it back to the ladies and told them to have a wonderful night. 
  The aftermath... I was cleaning the table and grabbed my tip. There was one crinkled dollar bill and, every penny and nickle from all there purses. Thank you for that $1.92! That makes the tip 4.5%. Man my night is going so well.
  Two hours have passed and, the night has slowed down. I am now sweeping my section so I can leave with all my great earnings from the day. As I finish I notice those three girls walking back over in my direction.

  Two of the three girls stay back five feet and the oldest walks up to me. We are so sorry for the tip early. We are young and you still gave us great service. We did not calculate are drinks into our budget. We went to a bank and pulled out money for your tip. Here is an extra $5. Hope you have a good night. 
  Holy-guacamole I have a shocked face on! Stunned I can only reply, Thank you! Have a happy new year. That just made my nigh. My tip is $6.92 on a $30.26 check. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  There is hope in the world. Hopefully more parents can teach there kids how to tip. Maybe those girls well help there friends. Thank you girls again. Just makes it that much easier to serve the youngsters.

 Your server

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Gift Cards!

  Gift cards are a wonderful gift! If someone was to give you money in the economic time you would most likely pay a bill with it. I believe my fiance and I received seven gift cards this holiday.

  How do I put this. You can use your twenty-five dollar gift card at a restaurant. Very cool. When you total bill is $22.31 and, you pay with your gift card. Your balance left of the gift card is $2.69. Don't just give me the gift card as my tip. You and I both know that is 11%. I did not give you that bad of service. What is it hurting you to throw out another two dollars or a $1.31. Almost all my tables at work have gift cards. More than not I am getting shorted.

  The other way gift cards burn me is when you have a large check. Lets say your check is $140. You took the family out to eat. Then you put down to $25 gift cards and a credit card. After I take off the $50 dollars in gifts your balance on your credit card is $90. Please don't tip on the $90 dollars because, then I am only making $18 instead of $28 off your original bill. I believe I took that extra time to make sure everything was perfect.
  Just make sure you are tipping on your original bill. My co-workers and I deserve that much.

Now come spend your gift cards.
Your Server

Sunday, December 19, 2010


  It is my turn in the rotation. I just see a family of four sit down. Not going to lie they looked easy. Man did I judge a book by the cover. Went over and greeted them and got there drink order. I want to say the parents were mid thirty's and the children 7 and 10. The parents told me they wanted to kids to choose new things on the menu. I thought that seemed like a cool idea. Both kids decided to get things off the adult menu. Daughter and the dad shared a salad and a chicken sandwich. I told them I would ask the cooks to split it up on to two different plates. The father asked for one type of dressing for the daughter and a different kind for himself. The mother son combo shared a hamburger completely modified. Once again I find it a little fun to manage to get seven modifiers on one item. I really don't care if you modify something. If that is the way you want to eat it just tell me. When there food arrives everything looks fine. They ran me a bit with extra napkins, then refills. When I went to check on the family a few bites into there meal the father starts yelling at me. "I would like to say a few things to you." yes sir, I replied. "First of all there is meat in my ranch! Really wondering how meat could even fall into a dressing. Second I did not want this kind of ranch! I asked you for jalapeno ranch and you brought me ranch with MEAT in it." Very sorry sir. I have no idea how meat could have gotten into your ranch. I will fix it right away and let my manager know about this. I run back to the dish room to dissect the ranch. Try and figure out this mystery meat that has my table so worried. I took a fork and pulled it out. -----Okay take a guess-----I know it could be something real crazy----- Nope wait it was just a fry. Woooo I can stop sweating now. Hey also when I was pouring out that ramekin of ranch I noticed big pieces of jalapenos falling out. Hmmm did I actually ring in the right ranch? So after that five minute ordeal that just has me smiling now knowing I am right. I walk back over to the table hand the man his jalapeno ranch. I nicely tell him,"Just so you can stop worrying that was not meat in your ranch. It was just a french fry. I would say it feel in when the food was in route to your table. Also that was jalapeno ranch. Look for the jalapenos at the bottom of the ramekin they like to settle there because of there weight. I played it cool. I believe he realized that was funny also. They finished there meal with joy. All has been restored in restaurant land.

I will grab you another ranch. ;)
Your server

Friday, December 17, 2010

We Should Be Chipper for the Hoildays Not Cheaper!

The holidays should be a blissful time. Should be about spending time with friends and family. Catching up and sharing. Going out to eat during this time should be relaxing and fun. One thing is your not cooking. That should make you happy right off the bat. Grin to grin. You know I asked a lot of my tables what they were doing after they eat. Response after response was shopping for Christmas. Exhausted written all over there face. I just recently moved and my money this year is about a pocket full. My Christmas this year will be amazing. My family and friends understand if I bought them or even made them a card I tried. Why can't we all just try and look beyond those expensive toys. 

I work really hard at serving. My biggest rules are trying to connect with my guest. Making sure your soda's have a refill. You food comes out hot and right each time. When your done eating your plates disappear from your table. I make you feel wanted and appreciated for visiting my work. 

Now like I said earlier tonight why go out if you can't afford it. There are a bunch of different ways you can eat with out spending each red cent you earn. I work real hard at what I do and, get upset a flustered when my tip is bad due to lack of your money. Most servers need that tip.

Funny This one table of mine told me tonight, "You were so wonderful. I was once a waitress and, I should know." She left me $5 of a $65 check. Um Thanks. Merry Christmas to you also.

 Not Ho Ho Ho but Shame Shame Shame
One of the guys I worked with today took a party of eight. Let be honest the call it a party so it can be fun. How is treating your server like crap fun? They ran him ragged. They always had a refill. There food came out of time. Eight separate checks. He made $.09 . Yep less than a dime. They only left him that to round up. They also wrote on all the checks the server was horrible. Please tell me how writting that on a check will make anyone feel better. People are awful people. Yes I have had a bad server in life but, at the end of the day I still realize there human. How RUDE. How do you think it made him feel. He spent a lot of time taking care of them. There is a better way to express how you feel. 

Look there is only ONE WEEK LEFT TILL CHRISTMAS!!! 
Enough with the bad attitudes and $2 or $30,$40 checks. Love one another and be happy. Next time you go out to eat enjoy your surroundings. Be merry! When your happy we are happy. When you come  in with that Christmas spirit it just spreads like herpes. Please act like its Christmas. Your servers have been very good this year.  

Will try not to vent like this on here again. Just worked eleven an a half hours on Friday. Wanted to get this off my chest so when I go back to work in less than twelve hours for another double I will be Merry. I will practice what I just preached. I will drink a Christmas inspired drink in the morning. I might even where Christmas socks to work. I will go to work with a smile. Greet every table with a happy holidays.  Welcome you into my work like a long lost friends. Just come see me with a smile. Tomorrow is here. May today be a wonderful day!

YOUR Very Good Server,

 Hope you get to spend it with love ones. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

You Crazy Lady!!!

Side Bar- I find it funny when guest think I look like everyone else. Yes we all wear the same outfit. I believe that is what we call a uniform. I look nothing like the other four brunettes I work with. They are gorgeous in there own ways. I wear my ponytail to the side. One has bangs. Another has has long pretty curls. If you took to seconds you could see I don't have a bunch of siblings working with me.

Last weekend my friend had a table of eight she was serving. I was randomly putting in an order to the computer when this lady came over and started yelling at me. "My food is so cold." I told her I am very sorry about that. Then I told her I was not her server so she would have to tell me what she was eating. She saw another server walk up with brunet hair and so she starting yelling at her also. I said mam she is also not your server. At this point she grabbed her plate and
shoved it towards me. "I would like to have hot food!" I asked if she would like me to have them make her a new one or just heat it up? She screeched hysterically " What ever one is faster."

---- Okay I thought about that sentence for all about 3 seconds. Hmm I could put it in the microwave for thirty seconds or, make a whole new dinner which would take twelve minutes. Which one is faster? Gosh such a hard choice for that nice lady at there. Cough Cough.

So thirty-five seconds later I have her real server bring out her dish. The lady turns to my friend and says," I told that other gir
l I wanted a new one." For reals (NO YOU DID NOT). The cardinal rule, Guest are always right. Right?

Another Side Bar- What makes people think they need to scream? I can hear perfectly even my mom could tell you that. Do you think you will get a lot more accomplished if you YELL. If you tell me something is wrong in you INDOOR voice. I will sympathize with you. I will apologize and get you whatever you want. My manager will bend over backwards to make sure your happy and that you come back again and again. Soak it up everyone good is good and bad is bad. Santa is always watching so do the right thing.

Your Server

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Apple Tart

Was bored at work and had one table of four. So I was joking with them. When they were done with there dinner. I asked them if they wanted dessert and they told me no. I kept pressing of the subject in a joking manor. The two couples came clean and said they were going home and making homemade apple tart. I said thanks for the invite. The little old man asked when do I get off work? I told him most likely ten o clock. He told me that is way to late and they will be in bed. I laugh and brought them there check. He tipped 20% and left. No joke and hour and a half later this little old man came back in and handed me apple tart. Can you believe that my table made and brought me dessert. Got to love those who still have hearts. Crazy... Thank you!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How to Spit out your GUM!

I LOVE Love Love GUM. I chew at least three pieces a day. I try every kind of gum they make. I also throw gum away when I am done with it. So my work decided this past Saturday night that we were going to de-gum a table. That means getting down on the floor and checking under each table to see if there is gum under it. I thought that would be an easy task seeing as I never put gum under the table. BOY WAS I WRONG.

It took me over an hour to get gum off the table. I
used a knife and spoon to scrape it off. The experience smelt like cinnamon and mint. You think that would be okay to smell until you realize it was in someones mouth before under the table. Trying to cut old gum with a knife is alot harder than it looks. and some people really put thought into it. I $we@r that some people put a lot of thought into it. They gum is spread apart and placed under the table. Then you got some people who place it on top of another piece. Why Why Why. If you have put gum under the table did you ever wonder what happens to it. It is not like marking your territory its just plain disgusting. I was so grossed out I was just flinging it everywhere. My hand hurt from poking at it and, trying to scrape it off. One of my server friends found a big bugger under her table. I accidentally laid on a piece i scrapped off.

If you would like to go eat at a clean restaurant
then, help keep it clean. Otherwise you could be sitting at a table that looks like this.
Now when you go out to eat think about that. There are many of other ways to dispose of your gum at a restaurant. You could toss it in the trash on the way in. You could tear off a piece of your napkin or ask for extra napkins. You could even put it on top of a sugar packet or a coaster.You could excuse your self and go to the bathroom and wash your hand while you were at it. Heck put it on the side of your plate or your cup. Or the other alternative is to swallow it. I just wanted you to think about what under a table really looks like. Nobody wants to rub there leg up against that. I am trying to help you help your self. ;)

I love gum as much as the next person. I just don't like to spend an extra hour out of my day scrapping your gum. If you have any funny gum stories I would love to hear them.

Always your gum scrapping server,

Dear Cooks, Stop Messing up my $Cheese$

When you get a bad tip you have to consider why. Could it be from sucking? Could it be from people who just don't no how to tip. Could it be some problem that deals with the cook.

My cooks went on STRIKE this past weekend. Well that is the way they acted. Sales go down in the summer so they had to cut back on all of our shifts. The cooks decide they need to come to work with an attitude. Dude, It is not my fault. Don't come to work with the sour mouth.

Lets define a cooks job. Webster defines a cook as:
1 : a person who prepares food for eating
2 : a technical or industrial process comparable to cooking food; also : a substance so processed.
Thank you Webster!

I believe there job is tough I am not suggesting otherwise. If you do good I will praise you. Success is what brings back business.

So back to crazy strike this past weekend. Every tables food is going past 15mins. You may think that is acceptable but it is not. When people wait at the door to get a table they expect that when they sit down everything will be okay from then on out.

One of my tables I noticed half there food was bumped. (Bumped meaning ready) So I looked at what need to be finished. A Cheese burger cooked Med is all I needed. I asked the cook, "How much longer on that cheeseburger"? She told me I am cleaning. What does that mean to me. I need that burger and where no where near closing time. I asked another cook if they have my burger working? No answer. I mumbled under my breath that I need to get a manager involved. They all told me to have the manager to cook it. REALLY. Are you looking to get in trouble. I totally knocked on the managers door and told her I have a eighteen minute cheeseburger and the cooks decide you are the one that is going to cook it. Once my manager cooked the burger I ran it out. It took 27 minutes for this table to get there food. Make me look like a bad server. That maybe I forgot to ring in there food. To make matters worse I had to send there food out with out french fries. That took another five minutes to cook. We took the cheese burger off there bill. I still only got a two dollar tip. If that table would have gotten there food all together and in a timely matter I could have made more money.

I should not have to ask a cook to cook my food. What is the point of being a cook if you can't do your main job. What are you trying to prove making the manager cook it. Do you call the job security?

They next night I have food running on twenty minutes. When the food was put out I asked them if they had french fries working. They said, :Nobody asked for them". Whats the point in ringing in orders if I need to ask for everything to be cooked. Please place meat on the grill. Please make me more fries. Don't have time to do that.

When my food takes a long time to get out to the table, my wallet suffers. Customers think I did not ring there food in on time. Customers think I cook there food. I am given the punishment for the cooks stupidity. Just do your job, and I will do mine. If you need help ask for it. Don't be so proud it just lets everybody down.

Sorry it has been awhile since I have wrote. I was just waiting for my food to be cooked so I could get back out here to serve you.

Your Server

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

If your a parent. BE A PARENT!

When I was a little squirt going out to eat was a privileged. Most likely some celebration of something. Hell it is the same way to this day for me. I never understood why kids thought a restaurant was another playground. Why do parents even bother taking there kids out to eat. Very expensive and the child barely eats anyways. I just have so many thoughts when it comes to kids eating out. Please tell me if I am wrong in anyway. I am just your server. Here to take orders. ;)

We should start from the second you walk into a restaurant. While you wait for a table you should be watching your child. Why do parents find it adorable to let the little one run around. Do you realize your precious is two feet tall. Me coming around the corner with a heavy tray I don't tend to look down and, it can be difficult for me to stop fast. Almost dropped a tray on a cute little two year old girl. She ran right in front of me without looking. Not her fault I believe her mother or father should have had her hand and, not put her in that situation. Luckily I was able to stop. Did I get an apology from the guardian? Nope I got a laugh instead. How cute! Not in a busy work place. Try the park for running. When I was young and waiting for our table my little brother and I had to five up our seats to the adults. We held the door open for everyone. Respect is what we were taught.

Whenever a little toddler is put into a highchair I freak a little. Would hate for a kid to get hurt. Putting the highchair at the end of the booth is a little dangerous. Think about it. Most things the go on the table have to go over there head before it reaches you. I always seem to notice if there is a highchair there is usually someone sitting right next to them who is going to order fajita's. Of course they taste bomb but, don't you worry about the sizzling hot skillet crossing over your child's head. Our you worried your little one will be tempted to touch the skillet. Worry a little that is all I ask.

Love when a parent ask me for a child sized cup. I honestly can say, I have never been anywhere were the don't have kid's cups. Please, if you know a place that doesn't please post it. When your kid is under the age of ten be aware that I will give them a kid's cup. Also if your child is in a highchair watch there hands they are very tempted to reach into my apron. Thought it was funny the first seven hundred times. ;)

Swear kids are afraid of me. Must be a scary monster. When I was a young my parents made me order my own food. Will make your kids a promise right here, right now. I Christine promise never to bite a little kid. There you have it folks my word.

What should your kid be drinking? I served a family this weekend and they order a diet cook for there two year old. Really! You are going to start the addiction at two. Good jobs guys. Why do parents let there kids have lemonade? There is not one percent of juice in our lemonade. Maybe your passing on the caffeine but, I promise your not passing on the sugar. Why does parent careless how many refills there child is drinking. Hello! Sugar intake. Filling up on sugar and not there dinner. I have once given a kid eight refills. Kinda hoped the kid wet the bed to teach there parents a lesson. I am a horrible person! One who will limit there kid from drinking horrible sugary drinks.

I served an over sized family last night and, that just makes me sad. Not saying that I am a guru for the skinny's. I just wished kids were given healthy options. Have you ever looked at the kids menu, ninety percent of it is fried food. Most parent when I ask them to choose there child's side the just shout out fries. Little kids love fruits. Why not order them apples or oranges? Well with that over sized family they let there little "Big" girls eat fried chicken fingers with ranch and french fries. When the girls finished they both polished off there own chocolaty adult sized dessert. Just makes me sad. Have healthy desserts or the whole family share one. Take in consideration your kid's health. You could be hurting them by giving into them.

Entertainment for your child is a must. Give them a toy or a
coloring book or a game on your new iphone. Pretty pretty please don't give them the sugar caddie. I don't find it cute when little sticky fingers throw the sugars on the ground. The caddie never looks the way it did when the came in. Same with all the other things on the table. A parent handed me a bottle of full ketchup and told me they needed a new one. There child was licking it. GROSS. You think they would have stopped that one. Nope. You think they would not be grossed out by there own child and use the ketchup. They waited till I brought them a new one. What a waste of company money. Good one. Is it to hard to bring your child a toy. If you really are struggling take your child to a fast food joint and let them play in the balls. Or pay your little next door neighbor $20 to babysit.

All problems have solutions. Sorry if I offended you repeat offenders. Do your job and watch your kids. I love kids. I love them more when they are tamed in a public place. Don't let your kid control you. You make the rules. Enforce them. You make the rules. Let them be healthy by eating healthy. Let them learn from you.

You been served!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Double Dates Will Be The DEATH of Me!!!

Double Dates = Death of a Server

The next exciting moment in our life is when you leave. I have such a bitter taste in my mouth when two couples sit down in my booth. When two couples sit down they think they own the night. Maybe they do, for all I know the had a horrible day and found some fourteen year old girl to watch they five kids for twenty dollars. Might have had the worst week on the job and just need to let a little steam off. At this point I really don't care.

Double Daters + Four Waters = Exercise

I find when the whole table orders water, you are in big trouble. BIG TROUBLE. Its almost as if they decided to wait all day to have a sip of anything. Then once that water hits the table it is fair game. Really you needed me to fill you water up 10 times in an hour period! Man I hope you wet the bed! Your game to see if I will get to your table on time to fill your glass up is a little pathetic. That couple looks happy but you know she probably needed a bunch of refills in her glass. I find it funny when they ask for a bunch of lemons on the side. If I watch you squeeze them all in and go for a packet of sugar I am charging you for a lemonade. What the heck do you think you are doing. Honestly making your own lemonade. Are you five. Set up a stand outside your house and make lemonade. Don't come to my job and make a mess all over my table. Someone had to cut all those lemons so you can make your own drink. Okay, so I won't charge you. They won't let me, but I promise I will fill your cup up every chance I get to ruin your dream drink. I will call it your dream drink since it was FREE. Moo Haaa haaa I am mean oh well I make $2 an hour.

Today this lady asked me for a glass of iced tea. Sweet I work in Utah right now and to find anyone who enjoys a nice glass of iced tea could be a friend of mine. ;) A few minutes later I went to "retrieve" the order. She had to complain about or freshly brewed tea. "This taste Watery". Not sure that is even a word. I told her, "I am so sorry, It might taste that way because it is freshly brewed and the tea is supper hot and I had to add a lot of ice. Ice melts and they could be your problem. Is there anything else you would like that would taste better to you, and not so watery." Then with a bit of an attitude she pushed the iced tea and said YES a water. Now I was trying not to laugh but I did spit out, " Water is a bit Watery is that okay". The whole table had quite a laugh. Honestly I will be the nicest person to you just treat me like I am human. All I ask. Oh and a great tip :).

Friday night I got this one group of double daters/Water drinkers and one of them had to be difficult. My girlfriend would love some cucumber in her water. I looked at him with a little strange look. I am not ragging on the taste of cucumber in water. If you go to any spa I would be surprised not to see it. A chain restaurant is another story. Sir we just have diced cucumber is that okay. "I guess that will have to do". Sorry dude. Lemons, limes, oranges, cherries, and now cucumbers. When I brought the three waters with lemons and the one with cucumber I got another weird glance. The girlfriend said, "What is this floating in my water"? She was in the bathroom for the whole drink order. I told her," Its your cucumber water". She laughed and switched glasses with her boyfriend. Dude, if you wanted the fruity water just ask for it. You just looked stupid!

Double Daters give 10 - 15% When I give 100%

It is crazy but, I still strive for good tips. Here are a few helpful hints. Ladies, I hope you see that ring on my finger. I am taken and promise your man is your man. Try to look the women in the eyes first. That makes them feel in control. If you master that you may have a chance. Always assume they are separate checks even if its family. They will never tell you it is separate until you bring the the one check. When taking the order ask if they would like ranch of anything extra so you can prepare. Nothing sucks more when it is one trip after another for mustard then napkins then another soda. They love to watch you run. Never forget.

Why is it that couples seem to forget how to tip there server. I bagged your food! I refilled you ten drinks! I laughed at your stupid jokes! Why is it okay to leave me a two dollar tip on twenty-five. WHY!

When a table is ready to cash out I grab there checks and tell them I will be right back, even if I hear them say "keep the change". So if there bill is $23.79 and they hand me $25 I make sure to write in felt pin $1.21. I want the other couple to feel awkward to see how bad of a tip you left me. I want your wife to be embarrassed she married you. She should be! It is a rare occasion you get a 20% on the entire bill. Is it really that hard to figure out. Most cell phones have a tip calculator.

Just remember running me around and around is temporary. You still have to go back to your crummy life. All the servers will get a heads up on how bad you are treating us. I will remember your face to welcome you back the next time you dine and if you really make me angry I will come home from a long day and blog about you. Karma! Learn and love it. Everything gets passed around.

Tip Twenty next time you go out! Have a wonderful Night
- Your Server

Thursday, January 14, 2010


When people go out to eat they go out for a couple of different reasons. One is to obviously eat food. Second is they want to watch you run. I come to the realization that people get off on the control. They control how many times I run and they control how much I make.

When I take an order I watch for the signs of potential running. When they order Chicken Strips I ask what sauce they would like to dip them in. Therefore I can bring them two sauces the first time instead of running back in forth. If they order ribs make sure you bring fifty-three napkins. Trust me on that one. If they order anything with wing sauce on it make sure to double up on ranch or blue cheese. This is just helping yourself and saving a trip.
Now there are the camel drinkers. You understand what I mean when, you give them your drinks and a minute to decide what they want to eat. When you return they have sucked there drink till there is an air noise. Now they could have just been thirsty or they want to make the most of the two dollars they spent on it. I return with two the next round and tell them I don't want to take my chances on the dying with thirst. Hopefully at that point that they realize they just guzzled down 12ounces in less the 12 seconds.

You know last Saturday night I served two couples. They fun double daters. Blah ha ha, not so much. I believe double daters love to make you run. Makes them feel superior to me. Okay whatever guys, make me run all night long and pay with that almost maxed out credit card. Your real cool. So back to the couple I served. One of the guys order chips and salsa. So i think to myself four people and one bowl of salsa. Ya I will go above and beyond and bring the two bowls of salsa and a tower of chips. I drop off the appetizer and they guy looks at me and says, "I love candy". Honestly do I look like I care if you love candy. Then he continues, " I don't want to share my candy with anybody else". I give him my confused look and, the whole table starts laughing at me. " I would like my own candy and then points to the salsa". Told ya they like to make me run. I grab two more salsa's and run them back to the table. Now everyone has there own salsa aka candy. I tell them, " Now that you all have you own candy I don't want to see any fighting". Okay so I kind of treated them like kids.Who describes salsa as candy. That is so freaking stupid. Say it with me S-T-U-P-I-D. Lets say they are the perfect example of a horrible double date. They love to have separate checks that they don't mind to mention till the end of the date. There checks range anywhere from twenty five to forty. Always seem to tip you three dollars. What What Six dollars and an hour later I can not wait for them to leave. ;)

Little children also like to watch you run. They throw there crayons on the ground. To bad little kid pick it up yourself. When they guzzle down there little kid drinks and demand for more. I love to address there parents at this point. "Your child has finished there drink and it does come with a free refill. Would you like me to bring it now or when there meal arrives". Ha little kid I won. Pretty bad of me huh. Saves you a bunch of trips. Would not be surprised if a parent do not buy chocolate milk for at home. I could hook a kid up on a chocolate milk drip and they would still not get there fix. Crazy I know. Then parents are confused why there little ones did not even touch there dinner. Duh take there drink away from them.

They other day I got these two teenagers. I honestly want to cry when they land in my section. They order there own appetizers. They are the perfect definition of a Mod@fucker. They change everything so they time your done taking there order they made there own things up. We are not Burger King. You can not have things your way. Funny thing about me serving. I write down there order and repeat it back. Now every time I serve this terrible two they order there entrees. When I deliver them one of them always tells me that is not what I ordered. BS dude it is. Look at my script. They look at me with there dumb faces. I have to refire there new dinner which "they really did order" :) Yeah right but, at this point I don't care. When they go to pay with there split checks one leaves the table. I grabbed both checks. One of the guys bills is twenty-two dollars and he leaves me 7 two dollar bills. Not sure if this kid could do math but here owed me more of it. They second kid gives me forty on twenty something. I walk back out and asked if they were paying together because, his friend who just left shorted me money. He told me no and to give him a minute he be right back with more. When he returned with some more two dollar bills I chuckled inside. I brought him out his change as for his friend who shorted me I kept the dollar something. That guy told me how wonderful I was then left me thirty two cents. Piss off. I will refuse to serve them next time. Waste of my night.

When someone makes you run for your money just picture how horrible there life is. That always helps. I just think of them as a job they will never go forward with and a relationship that will not pan out. Makes my day easier.
Your server

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dine and Dash

We have all thought about dinning and dashing but who really has the balls to actually do it. I have it happen to me twice. I would love to hear another servers story on the subject if it has happened to them also. I hate feeling like I am the failure if this happens. I should not feel that way. Chances are when they walk in they already have it in there head to commit the crime. That is actually what it is by the way. A CRIME. YOU ARE STEALING!!!

Story one-
Two young girls come into my lunch shift and sit at a four table booth. They are about 17. One girl is big boned and wearing a shirt tight so you focus on her chest area and for that we will call her Brenda. The second girl is lanky and wearing really cool red eyeglass wear and her new name is Lisa. So Brenda and Lisa order two sodas from me and ask for a few minutes to look at the menu. Cool cool I grab there sodas and give them a few. When I return Brenda orders Chicken Tenders and, Lisa orders Chicken Alfredo. Waiting for the food to come out I refill there beverages a couple of times. They made the comment how focused I was to not let them go dry. I thought it was a bit strange but, took the compliment any ways. There food comes out they take a couple of bites. I see they need another refill and I told them I would be right back. I turned the corner when my server friend Samantha ask me if my table has paid. I looked at her funny and she said they left in a hurry.

Now wait you think the story is over. No I do something I should never do. I broke the server cardinal rule. DO NOT CHASE AFTER ANYONE. So I ran out the door furious. I caught one of the girls backing her car up while the other one is about to hop in. I asked Brenda "Hey was your food okay?" Okay weird question I know but it got the point across. Brenda followed up as, "Oh wonderful we were just moving the car and grabbing some cash. Good I replied because, I know you two are not about to leave this wonderful meal and service. Brenda followed me back into the resturant. She sat at her table with a wad of cash by her. She asked for boxes. I responded and said I will be right back. I told Samantha she was right on the money and to watch her. I grabbed two boxes and she know needed the bill meanwhile, Lisa is parked right out front. When I went to print off the check Samantha told me Brenda ran out with her boxed food. By this point my manager ripped the check out of my hand a ran out to the car to give the girls there bill. Can you freaking believe they had it in them to leave twice. They girls handed my manager $30 and asked for change. DO WE LOOK LIKE A DRIVE THOUGH. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME. YOU TRY TO RUN OUT ON YOUR BILL TWICE AND WANT CHANGE. GET OUT OF TOWN. NO CHANGE FOR YOU TWO. So they dinned and dashed and we still made them pay. Ha ha jokes on you.

Story two-
This older man about 65years old well call him Mark. When Mark sat down by himself he had two extra menus. He told me his wife and daughter were joining him shortly after. He ordered his diet beverage with no lime and started watching the basketball game on the television. After about twenty minutes he asked if I minded him ordering before they arrive. Do I mind serving you food. Please it is only my job DUH. So I put his avocado burger add mushroom no bun in and went on serving all my other tables. He polishes off his burger in fries like he has not eaten all week. Should have known this is probably the case now :). I take away his plate and bring him a refill. He watches the rest of the game and I chat with him in intervals when I am not needed running food and payments. He is a nice old man. Then his phone rings while I am there and he raises his finger to motion me over to him. He tells me they are around the corner and if I could bring them a water and diet over now. I am overjoyed. This guy has been camping forever and I would love to make some more money. I snag the drinks and run back to the table. HE IS GONE. HE MADE ME GET DRINKS FOR NO ONE. HE WATCHED A GAME AND ATE FOR FREE. Man I thought he would come back like he forgot or that he was in the bathroom. I even told the busser to leave his table alone. It sat vacant for a half hour. DANG. I was so enraged. I was fooled by an old man. I will remember this guy if he ever decides to sit in my section again. My words will come out like this. Hey I remember you, you ate that
avocado burger add mushroom no bun and waited for your family and watched that basketball game. YOU OWE ME $9.29 thanks.

_I just can't get over what goes through there heads right before the get up and run out. It really upsets me. Like I said before I feel like I failed. Can't believe that old man ran out on me. That flight or fight mode would give me a heart attack. Just saying. So does anyone have a dine and dash story?

-Ur Server

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Etiquette of Men Dinning at Lunch

I find it hilarious to watch men dine together. Why do they make it so hard on themselves. Maybe with this post I could receive feedback on the truths. Maybe I am just seeing this in a different light.

I serve a lot of lunch shifts during the week. This usually brings in three crowds. One being older couples, then you have the girlfriends catching up and, third you have business meetings. I am not trying to categorize business meetings as just men eating out. If there is a business meeting and a women attends all these rules and behaviors roll out the window. When women eat out different rules apply and we can address those issues another day.

The Manly Code to Eating Out
1. First rule is to never talk about the rules
2. Never order a girly drink. If you do change the name of it so it does not sound girly. example- Today I had two guys ask me for grenadine and diet. So you want a cherry diet coke? They just smiled and said grenadine and diet. Sounds Manley.
3. Have your cell phone and pen on the table at all times. Makes you look important.
4. Never share anything. It looks horrible to share a dessert. Could you even imagine two guys 1 brownie and two spoons. This is not a date. Order 2 brownies and waste half of them.
5. Never show up or leave at the same time. Stand up by your table shake hands. Then one of you go to the bathroom while the other one leaves. Gives you a little space between exiting.

Even if its not a business meeting and guys are just eating out, they have a lot of weird corks. They require a lot of space between each other. I just wish guys understood that is seems funny to split things on different plates so they don't have to share. It is not a big deal. I will not question your sexuality by the way you eat.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Perfect Change

The only thing in life that does not change is Change itself ;)

-I love when people have a bill that is $7.45 and they hand me a $20 and ask for change. I know I am an amazing server and deserve a good tip but, you think I would not bring your $12.55 back to you.

-I love when you have a large table and they are all separate checks and all hand you $20 and ask for change. That would be okay until they tell you that they are in a hurry to get back to work. You really think I am a bank. If you are in a hurry hand me your debit card.

-Rule of thumb. If you hand a server a hundred dollar bill do understand we have to break it. That means asking five other people if they can help break your bill. Then realizing they also did not bring a bank and, now that leaves us to find the manager and having them open the safe. Sorry peeps but it will take at least 3 minutes if your lucky.

- I had these two ladies the other night. They were a hoot for being a little older. They two older ladies had separate checks. Completely fine. I am bored and they are sweet. One of the ladies ask me to bring her ones back when I break her check. I told her I would try my hardest. Once I got to a computer I realized her change back she need was $4.25. So honestly I am laughing a little. What did she expect me to bring back to her 17 quarters? I asked her that. I know I am mean but, I was not serious so we all laughed. Just little funny.

- Hey will you break this twenty for me please. ;) Right on it


I would love for this blog to bring you a great laugh! For heaven sakes its my job to serve and make people happy. If the customer is happy and decides to read again, then I have done my job. I want to say I have been serving for four years and a year of hosting. Everyday when I get home my fiance ask me how my work was and immediately I tell him a story about some random table. Most of the time I get a good laugh and then sometime I swear he is fuming fire from his ears. He gets so mad when he hears how people treat us. I just think people should now how we feel. I figured I have at least one story a day along with my view on restaurant stuff. I know you all care (hope there is at least one person caring ;)).
-Your server